Category Archives: Feelings

Teaching Children Empathy

by Katrina Morse, Family Reading Partnership

“That’s not fair!” your 4 year-old proclaims. “Why do I have to share?” Being “fair” to a young child means getting what he wants, when he wants it. Your child’s world is constructed with your child prominently in the center and other people and activities revolving around him.

She is the center of her own reality, as she should be. From this place of being sure of herself when she is young, she can begin to imagine how others feel and develop a sense of empathy. This is a natural progression in a child’s development as she approaches her 5th birthday and will continue into adulthood. Having empathy helps us define our own beliefs and appreciate others.

You can encourage and support your child’s growing awareness of other points of view by noticing real life examples. Talk about how other people might feel. Read stories that about conflict and resolution. Discuss how each person has to consider what others are thinking. Why does your child feel strongly about something and then how and why do others feel differently? Is there a right way or a wrong way to think?

Here are some children’s books that offer opportunities to explore empathy and help your child develop compassion.

“Stick and Stone” by Beth Ferry, illustrated by Tom Lichtenheld. The rhyming text is brief on words, but big on meaning. The simple chalk illustrations show how tall and skinny Stick and short and round Stone become unlikely friends. Through a series of incidents they help each other, come to the rescue, and stand up for each other. In the end they appreciate each other’s differences and find that they are bonded in friendship.

“The Day the Crayons Quit” and “The Day the Crayons Came Home,” by Drew Dewalt, illustrated by Oliver Jeffers. You may think that crayons don’t have much of an opinion; however, in these stories, each color crayon has its own personality and a lot to say! Telling the story from the perspective of the crayons opens up ideas for children about other viewpoints. If toys, pets, or even furniture could talk, what would they say?

those shoes“Those Shoes” by Maribeth Boelts, illustrated by Noah Z. Jones. Jeremy really wants a new pair of the trendiest shoes—black with 2 white stripes. Everyone has them except Jeremy, who gets practical boots instead. Jeremy is faced with the judgment of his classmates, but then finds the need to be compassionate to someone else.

“Millie Fierce” and “Millie Fierce Sleeps Out” by Jane Manning. Millie knows she has a temper and finds out what happens when she “lets her fierce out.” Millie has to work hard on her self-control because she knows that her point of view is not how everyone else sees the world. Watercolor illustrations are delightfully loose in structure and color but show the details of Millie’s complex life.Millie Fierce

“Yoko,” by Rosemary Wells. Yoko the kitten brings her favorite lunch to school–sushi. But Yoko’s classmates think her lunch of raw fish wrapped in seaweed is strange. When she brings out her red bean ice cream she is called a weirdo. Her teacher arranges for an International Food Day at school and the students soon realized the value of trying everything and appreciating each other’s backgrounds.

 

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My Favorite Book Tradition

books

by Melissa Perry
Program Coordinator
Family Reading Partnership

 

As the leaves start to fall and the nights set in ever earlier, with signs of Jack Frost’s midnight escapades when we wake, thoughts in my home start wandering toward ‘the books’. Even my anticipation rises as I look forward to the joy of a few quiet hours, so precious in themselves as a parent, spent pouring over the books, reliving heart-warming memories as I wrap the books with newspaper or the remnants of last year’s holiday paper. When the time comes, these books will be unwrapped, more carefully than any gift, in reverence of what they mean to our family- togetherness and love during the holiday season.

These books are a collection of both old and some new holiday and winter-themed tales, collected overtime from many places- my childhood, from loved ones, from Bright Red Bookshelves in the community, yard sales, thrift stores, school book fairs, and local booksellers- all selected to be part of this elite group of books because they are meaningful to our family in some way. Lovingly wrapped and cradled in their own festive crate, these books have a designated place of honor amidst our holiday décor.

Each night, starting the day after Thanksgiving and ending on our big winter holiday, our family chooses two wrapped books from the crate. Before the books are unwrapped, the children love to try to guess which book is under the paper, in hopes of getting their favorites but never disappointed if it isn’t because they are all so special to us. Then, we pile onto the couch, with our cat, inevitably, budging his way on to someone’s lap, not willing to miss this family holiday book tradition, and we snuggle under the quilt meticulously hand-stitched so long ago by my beloved great-grandmother to lose ourselves in the spirit-lifting winter wonderlands of these stories.

This nightly ritual gathers us together and gives us pause during the bustling holiday season. We crave these quiet moments of reading and reminiscing together, all heading to bed with sweet words and memories to keep us cozy during the long winter nights. These books, gifts in themselves to be sure, become a focal point of our holiday celebrations, with reading together the most treasured piece of this seasonal ritual.

After the holidays, when all the books have been read and re-read countless times, the crate of holiday joy is quietly tucked away in the back of a dark closet. There they will await their time of glory next holiday season.

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Connecting with Grandchildren and Books via Skype

grandparesnt-readingkeepintouchwithgrandparents_skypestorytime

by Elizabeth Stilwell
Early Childhood Specialist

If you are like many grandparents today, you may be experiencing the “love lag” of having young grandchildren who live far away and out of arm’s reach. More and more long distance grandparents are closing that gap using Skype, a service that allows you to communicate by voice and video over your computer. Seeing your grandchild on screen, watching all the new developments and making sure that they are familiar with your voice and your face, can make a big difference in feeling connected. Skype is also a great way to create read-aloud rituals with toddlers and young children.

 

If you are new to Skype – don’t worry! Chances are that you have everything you need to Skype. The setup involves a computer and a webcam. Most newer computers come with built-in webcams. Your computer will need a high-speed connection and you’ll need to use a speaker or earphones. That’s it! Then go to skype.com and set up your account. It is a free service and your adult children can help you with the simple set up and operations.

 

Reading aloud to children is a time-honored tradition used by grandparents to create special connections and memories with grandchildren. Although it’s not the same as having a little one snuggled on your lap, starting read-aloud rituals through Skype is another way to create and maintain meaningful relationships. Here are a few tips to make this experience more engaging for your grandchild and more rewarding to you.

 

  1. Choose books that are simple and age appropriate.   Often we remember childhood books that we read to young children when they were five or six. If you are reading to a toddler, classic picture books like ‘Make Way for Ducklings,’ or ‘The Little Engine That Could,’ have too much text and plot to keep a very young child engaged. It’s best to start with a simple board book, possibly with rhyming words or repeated phrases. Visit your library and get some help from the children’s librarian to find a rich selection of stories that are appropriate for you grandchild. The best part of this is that you can then invite your grandchild (and his/her parents) to check out the same story at his or her own local library!

 

  1. Make a “Skype date” for your read-aloud. Call or text your adult children to find a time that works for you to read to your grandchild. This should be separate from a regular video chat. The read-aloud Skype date will be a special time for you to share a story. Eventually try to set up a regular reading time that you can all plan on and look forward to.

 

  1. Practice the logistics of Skype reading with your spouse or another adult. It might feel awkward at first and if you practice you can be sure that you are holding the book so the child can see the illustrations and that you’re comfortable. Try pausing after reading each page and then do a “close up” so your grandchild can point to things in the illustration, just as they would in a traditional book. Read through the story in advance so you can anticipate characters, plot, and create special voices.

 

  1. Add a finger play, rhyme or song. Often at library story times for young children, the experience starts with a brief song or finger-play. This “warms up” the audience and helps the children settle in for the story. You could start each Skype story-time with the Itsy-Bitsy Spider, Patty-Cake, or any other simple song or finger play. Here is a website with songs and finger plays in case you need some inspiration! http://www.songsforteaching.com/fingerplays

 

  1. Read chapter books to older children. At Family Reading Partnership we believe that reading aloud to children should continue well beyond the time they can read independently. Sharing reading time with older children through Skype is a gift of time that you as a grandparent can give. It might be while parents are busy making dinner or as a break from homework. Invite your grandchild to check some books out of the library, choose a book to share and text you the title so you can check out the same book. Or, as a special treat, send a copy of a book to the child, maybe one that you remember reading aloud to your own children. Invite your grandchild to read ahead if it’s too hard to wait for your next Skype reading time but to let you know so you can do the same. Then have a conversation about the book in your own private Skype “book group”. In real time, these focused interactions can sometimes be hard to schedule in the busy world of young families. Skype can actually be a more intentional one to one interaction with an older grandchild.

 

There is a quote I love by Lois Wyse that says, “Grandchildren are the dots that connect the lines from generation to generation”. Sharing books through Skype is one more way for long distance grandparents to help connect the dots!

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Family Read-Aloud Resolutions

reading together mouse family

by Melissa Perry, Program Coordinator, Family Reading Partnership

The New Year is upon us and with it the tradition of reflecting on the past twelve months and what we’ll do differently to improve our lives in the upcoming year. Unfortunately, most of our best intentions fall flat within a few weeks. However, if I may, I’d like to suggest a New Year’s resolution that is simple, enjoyable, and will benefit the entire family; a resolution that won’t be thrown by the wayside.

    Read.

Read-aloud to the children in your life. While you’re at it, read to the teens and adults in you’re life, too- I don’t know of anyone who doesn’t love a good story. Make it a special part of your daily routine.

Take time to enjoy a good book yourself. There are few things better than losing yourself in the world of a great book. As a bonus, when others see the pleasure you find in reading, it’ll encourage them to read as well!

Visit your library often to stock up on all types of literacy materials for every member of your family. You’ll find board books, picture books, chapter books, comic books, cookbooks, magazines, recorded books, etc. Drop in for story time, a book club or another family event. Check your library’s calendar for a list of activities.

Create a special place to read together. Any cozy nook will do! An area with space to store library and other reading materials makes it convenient to snuggle up and read anytime of the day.

Give the gift of reading by giving books as gifts. When books are given as gifts, whether for a special occasion or just because, it increases the book’s value in the eyes of the recipient. A book given as a present is a gift that can be opened again and again.

Resolving to read-aloud, read together, and enjoy a good book yourself is a New Year’s resolution that we can all stick to- and all benefit from.

Cheers to the New Year and to all of the reading adventures to come!

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Words of Love

There are few words you can say to your child that are more important than simply saying, “I love you.” With these three words you can bring a smile to a face, warmth to a heart, and joy to your child. Saying “I love you” gives you a chance to change the course of an entire day, and the power to imprint love and security in your child’s heart forever!

Saying “I love you,” or other words that show you care, gives your children the confidence and strong self-esteem that is the foundation of good emotional health. They will learn how to ask for what they need, express how they feel, and respond to others with compassion. You can give your children positive words in your everyday family life by talking, writing, and reading. Here are some ideas to try at home:

Talk. There are so many words that say, “I love you.” Hearing these nurturing words lets your children know that they are important, they are cared for, and they are loved. When said with a snuggle or a hug, these words mean even more! You can say: I am so happy you are _____ (my son/ my daughter/ part of our family)! • I love to watch you _______ (play, draw, hear you sing, see you run, etc.) • You are so smart in so many ways. • It is okay to make mistakes. • I know you can do it! You did it! I love how you did that! • There is no one like you in the whole world! • You make me smile.

Write. “I love you” messages can bring happiness to your child over and over again when you write them down. • Tuck an “I love you” note under your child’s pillow. • Pin one to a backpack. • Write a message with soap on the mirror. • Keep a jar of “I love you” messages to use any time. • Make mailboxes out of empty cereal boxes for each person in your family to send messages back and forth. • Help your child write down an “I love you” message to a friend or loved one.

BookHeart

Read. Snuggle up with your child and read one of these picture books about love and kindness and talk about what happens in the story. • “How Kind!” by Mary Murphy • “Guess How Much I Love You” by Sam McBratney • “I Love You Little One” by Nancy Tafuri • “All Together Now” by Anita Jeram • “I’ll Always Love You” by Paeony Lewis • “Because of You” by B.G. Hennesy.

Giving your child words of love has a huge impact. In the words of Peggy O’Mara, “The way we talk to our children becomes their inner voice.” For more ideas, download a Words of Love bookmark at www.familyreading.org.

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“So! How are the Children?”

Among East African Masai people, the traditional greeting is “So! How are the children?” This greeting is much more than just a custom; it is a question that defines their culture. When the Masai ask this of each other, they expect an honest answer and are prepared to drop what they are doing to provide what’s needed. When the children are well, the community is well! Child wellness includes both physical and mental health. A good night’s sleep, nutritious food, and regular exercise help children’s bodies stay strong. Good mental health begins with your loving support and guidance that builds your child’s self esteem and resiliency–the ability to bounce back from the little and big bumps in life. Reading books that have characters that work through problems a child may face such as disappointment, fear, and loss teach the words your child needs to talk about his or her feelings. Learning to talk about a situation can make your child feel better by acknowledging the emotions that arise and thinking of solutions together. May is Children’s Mental Health Awareness month, a great time to read books that encourage your child to develop a positive self-awareness and learn about all the feelings that are a normal part of growing up. For more information about child wellness and resources available in Ithaca, NY, visit the Collaborative Solutions Network website at http://www.mentalhealthconnect.org and Family and Children’s Services of Ithaca at http://www.fcsith.org. Here are some books about SometimesBambalooemotions that may interest your young child:

Books about anger: “When Sophie Gets Angry–Really, Really Angry…” by Molly Bang; “Mean Soup” by Betsy Everitt; “Sometimes I’m Bombaloo” by Rachel Vail, illustrated by Yumi Heo

Books about fears: “Wemberly Worried” by Kevin Henkes; “The Kissing Hand” by Audrey Penn; “Sheila Rae the Brave” by Kevin Henkes

Books about all kinds of emotions: “How are you Peeling? Foods with Moods” by Saxton Freymann and Joost Elffers; “Today I Feel Silly and Other Moods that Make My Day,” by Jamie Lee Curtis; “Quick as a Cricket” by Audrey Wood, illustrated by Don Wood “I Like Me!” by Nancy Carlson

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Books for an Active Child

Running, jumping, and leaping; building blocks up and then crashing them down! Do you have a young child who plays rough and tumble games? An active youngster may be drawn to books about cars and trucks or wild animals and adventure.

Action books will hold that child’s attention, but see what happens when you read a more emotional book now and then. A book that has a story about compassion, thoughtfulness, and caring could broaden your child’s thinking and teach a few life skills.

See which one of these books your whirling dervish will sit down and enjoy.

“Officer Buckle and Gloria” by Peggy Rathmann. Officer Buckle gives very bumbling and boring presentations at schools. No one is interested until his companion dog Gloria starts flipping and twirling behind his back and changes his ho hum safety tips into lively entertainment. Embarrassed that his dog is stealing the show Officer Buckle quits his school tour! In the end Officer Buckle and Gloria realize they need each other to be a winning (and safe) team.

“Sheila Rae the Brave” by Kevin Henkes. Sheila Rae is the big sister who is the cool one, compared to her baby sister Irene. But, Sheila Rae’s confidence goes to her head and as she tries a new way home from school and then gets lost. Irene saves the day by showing her big sister the way. Sheila Rae finds she can be humble and Irene realizes she has a lot of common sense of her own.

Horace“Horace and Morris, but Mostly Dolores” by James Howe, illustrated by Amy Walrod. These three mice play very happily together until Horace and Morris decide to do “boy” things and exclude Dolores. Dolores decides to do “girl” things without her buddies. The three friends are divided because of what others expect them to do. They are all miserable being separated! Will they learn to be true to their own feelings?

“Ladybug Girl and the Bug Squad” by Dave Soman and Jacky Davis. Ladybug Girl dresses up like a ladybug and her friends dress as insects too: Bumble Bee Boy, Dragonfly Girl, and Butterfly Girl. They are super-hero insects with special powers! When they all go home celebrate Ladybug Girl’s birthday, misunderstandings arise and they have to find a compromise.

“Don’t Touch My Hat” by James Rumford. This cowboy is the sheriff of a small Western town. He gets all his courage and determination from wearing his big ten-gallon hat. He doesn’t go anywhere without it, until he has to break up a fight in the middle of the night and grabs the wrong hat to wear. His wife tells him what he found out: “It’s your heart, not your hat” that keeps you feeling powerful.

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